If you believe in yourself,
have dedication and pride and never quit,
you'll be a winner.
The price of victory is high,
but so are the rewards.
My friend Kelly put this quote on her Facebook wall yesterday. I googled the quote and found out it was by Paul Bryant who was a football coach for the University of Alabama. But when I read it on Kelly’s wall I felt like it was written just for me.
Like most athletes, I am hard on myself. But lately I’ve been more frustrated than usual, I’ve been negative, and I basically feel like I’m falling into a black hole of self doubt. I read this quote and it hit me hard. I felt like Kelly had unknowingly tossed me a life preserver. I stared at the words and thought, “The answer is here somewhere.” So I started dissecting it. And the more I dissected it the closer I got to my life preserver…
I do believe in myself. Sometimes I think that’s part of my problem. I believe I should be stronger by now, I should be faster, I should be more skilled. “Why aren’t I better?” is a question that plagues me.
I am dedicated. Sometimes to the point of obsession. And though this is supposed to be a good quality it also often leads me back to the same question. If I work so hard, if I am so dedicated… “Why aren’t I better?”
I won’t quit. I made a joke about retiring from CrossFit the other day at a particularly low moment. The threat to quit was not real but the frustration was pretty serious.
Pride. Ah yes, here is where it falls apart. That’s what’s missing. By constantly comparing myself to women who are stronger and faster, I have forgotten to be proud of my own progress and my own hard work. I like training with and competing against people who are better than me. For the most part it pushes me and it's inspiring... that is until I get to the point where I'm looking so far ahead that I forget about where I began. In the midst of chasing after my heroes, I forgot that I still have to set my own goals. “Shoot for the moon and land amongst the stars” so to speak. I just have to remember not to get so pissed off when I don’t reach the moon every single time. Stars are nice too. Hell, even the horizon is a pretty great place to be sometimes.
“You’ll be a winner.” If the goal is to be a winner I think it’s important to define the word “win”. It is different for everyone. The majority of the time (definitely in my case when it comes to CrossFit) being a winner does not mean being #1. I will never have a sense of pride if I don’t figure out exactly what I am trying to accomplish and why I am trying to accomplish it. I can't win by trying to achieve someone else's goals.
I’m still working on it. I’m working on it because I don’t want to be the type of person that stomps her feet and throws a fit on the edge of the Big Dipper while cursing the moon. I want to be the type of person that dances her way through the stars and occasionally stops to give the moon a knowing look and a cunning smile as if to say… "you watch you’re back moon"…
Photo by Jen Andrews: Me and Kelly before WOD2 at Clash of the Fittest in Palm Beach, FL. This event forced me to confront my evil inner voice. And well, Kelly beat me... but I'm okay with that... for now.
You Vs. You Charm is from the Fashletics Pep Talk Collection.