Fashlete™ of the Month

I Am Enough

May 2012

Name: Melissa Guitron

ccupation: Coach at CrossFit San Mateo - Certified in: Level 1 CrossFit, CF Gymnastics, CF Football, CF Kids and Mobility

You know what you know and you don’t know what do you don’t know. Four years ago if you asked me to define beauty, I probably would have told you it involved weighing 120 pounds, wearing a size four and looking “lean and toned.”  Today, though I wear a size 4, I am proud to weigh a strong 150 pounds.  Before Crossfit I simply did not know.  In a world that tells us who we are is not enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough, not tan enough, not strong enough, it is hard to believe that you are enough.

When did strong become the new skinny?

I discovered CrossFit three years ago through my ex-husband.  When he returned from his deployment to Afghanistan he introduced me to CrossFit and a completely new world of, you are not enough.  While CrossFit motivates most people to want to better for themselves, I embraced CrossFit to make my husband happy.  For 12 months I had spent hours on the elliptical, counting calories and skipping meals, starving myself in an attempt turn my body into what I thought was desirable.  I thought exposed hip and collar bones was beauty, yet now I find myself envious of girls with muscles and strength because that is what my husband suddenly found attractive.  All my hard work was now, once again, not enough. It was no longer, you are not skinny enough but instead you are not strong enough.  I was now expected to learn to row fast, jump high and clean massive amounts of weight all while wearing booty shorts if I wanted to be enough for him.

It is hard to openly admit that I fell in love with CrossFit for all the wrong reasons, but it’s the truth.  I thought that embracing CrossFit would save my marriage, that it would turn me into what my husband wanted me to be.  What I didn’t expect was that it would turn out to be the saving grace that gave me the strength to walk away from an abusive marriage.  CrossFit for the first time taught me to embrace who I am today, not who I want to be tomorrow, as enough.

The transformation from I am too fat, to I am too skinny to, hey I am Melissa.

The transition from cardioaholic to CrossFitter was not an easy one.  It’s one thing to be told you don’t need to do hours of cardio in order to maintain your figure.  It is another to be told that you should drink whole milk instead of soy, eat bacon instead oatmeal, and yolks with your whites.  I think I simply went into a state of shock and didn’t wake up until I found myself stuck in the middle of a WOD with my coach screaming at me to jump up on the god damn box.  Believe me, I jumped, I jumped head first into my future right in that moment.  I was hooked on the personal competitive nature of every WOD, fascinated by the nutritional science behind Paleo and mesmerized by this world of women who didn’t spend all their time complaining about how unhappy they were with their bodies.  I wanted to be a part of their world and they openly let me in.  Muscle quickly replaced bone protrusions and I found myself caring less about the approval of my husband and more about how amazing I felt. For the first time his approval of my body stopped being what I yearned for.  The final straw was when we were out at dinner with friends.  I had hit a good PR that day and was feeling good.  His response to my success was an hour-long tirade of how CrossFit had changed me too much.  I now ate too much, was bulking up too much, and stupidly cared too much about it.  In that moment I realized that maybe all along I had been too much for him, that maybe I had been enough for myself and just didn’t know it.

Paying it Forward

After leaving my husband and moving home, I struggled to find a way to combine my passion for CrossFit with my desire to give others what CrossFit had given me.  I started a job working with at-risk youth in a transitional group home, and attempted to share my newfound sense of “enough” with the kids I worked with. While I tried my hardest to cultivate in them a sense of self worth, I quickly realized that creating a sense of “enough” takes more than the short amount of time they spent in the transitional home. In a place where kids come and go every other week, I felt that I could make a greater impact working with my community somewhere where I could provide continuity of growth.

Enter Brendon Mahoney and CrossFit San Mateo Team Elite. 

In the spring of 2011 I met my partner and best friend Brendon Mahoney. Not only did Brendon believe that I was enough to be a part of his team, but he believed in me so much that he gave me the freedom to make my dreams a reality.  Without constraint, he handed me the power to create my own CrossFit Kids and Women Only Programs.  It was through these programs I have finally been able to reach others the way I wanted to.

In the world of Pintrest boards and air brushed images we have stopped being enough.  We have been taught that you must constantly strive for more without compassion for where you are today.  My goal is to change that mentality.  Strong is not the new skinny in my box.  You are you where are you are today, wherever that may be.  Six pack abs are no more a sign of your strength than collar bones are of your beauty.  My 7th grade girls don’t come to my class to get in shape so that they can impress their peers; their motivational drive is to be better for themselves.  We celebrate a love for ourselves, just as we are.  We celebrate elbows finally touching knees on the pull up bar and graduating from dumbbells to barbells.  Whether it’s a teen or a retired mother, we as a CrossFit family of females are learning together that who we are is simply enough.

Each Fashlete of the Month is presented with a custom sterling silver charm engraved with the word of her choice.  In Melissa's case, this word rang loud and clear throughout her story.  Not only will Melissa be receiving this custom piece, we are going to add the ENOUGH charm to the Fashletics permanent collection of inspirational CrossFit jewelry online later this summer.  Fashletics is also donating ENOUGH charms to all of the girls who participate in Melissa's CrossFit Kids program to help her spread her important message.

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    Sarah Wilson
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Comments on this post (10)

  • Jun 28, 2012

    Hi Hillary, the ENOUGH charm will be available at the CrossFit Games and on the website at the end of July. Thanks!

    — Fashletics

  • Jun 28, 2012

    is the “enough” charm available yet?

    — hillaryt?

  • May 31, 2012

    Rachel: Reading your post just gave me shivers. I hope my story provides you with some sort of comfort in knowing that you are A. not alone and B. more importantly, already amazing just the way you are. If there is one thing I miss most about Army life it is definately the kinship I had with the fellow spouses in our unit. So please know that if you ever need someone to talk to or even just to vent, I am here. Melissa.m.guitron@gmail.com, I honestly would love for you to contact me.

    Gina: You will be greeted with open arms! I look foreward to getting to meet you.

    Lu: I judged your team at Regionals! The whole weekend left me in awe and full of pride for what we as a CrossFit community have created. I wish we had had the opportunity to meet in person :(

    — Melissa Guitron

  • May 30, 2012

    Wow what an amazing story! I am going to share this with friends. I am going through this same exact problem with my husband who is also military and I feel like I can never be good enough. I have doing crossfit for almost 2 years now and I love it and will never stop. My favorite line “Muscle quickly replaced bone protrusions and I found myself caring less about the approval of my husband and more about how amazing I felt. For the first time his approval of my body stopped being what I yearned for.”

    — Rachele G

  • May 22, 2012

    This is an inspiring story, I will admit, I cried when reading it…I just love you Melissa! I travel to Burlingame (I am from San Mateo County) every other month and regret that I have never come for a workout at your box…if possible, I am booking my August trip for an extra day just so I can come meet you! At some point, I will meet you, it’s a goal I now have. I want to give you a hug and say thanks! :)

    — Gina A.

  • May 22, 2012

    Thanks so much for sharing Melissa’s story! She exemplifies the spirit of Crossfit and the women who participate in the sport.
    I just competed as part of the Cadence team at the NorCal Regionals and, as in years past, was floored by the tremendous amount of mutual support between all of the athletes competing.
    Our team finished 11th overall, a very respectable place in such a competitive region, but my biggest accomplishment of the weekend was definitely proving to myself that I too am enough, just the way I am today.

    — Lu

  • May 22, 2012

    What an inspiring story!! Thank you so much for sharing!! I can’t wait to get my ENOUGH charm!! Would love it as a bracelet! Thank you Fashletics for celebrating women!!

    — Tammi L

  • May 21, 2012

    Amazing and inspiring story to read Melissa!!! I’m so glad you and Alex have been able to reconnect, and that because of that, I have gotten the chance to meet you! I’m also so happy that you were chosen to be the Fashlete of the month so that I, and others, were able to share in your story!! You are an amazing woman and now that you’ve figured that out, don’t ever forget it!!

    — Kelly Wright

  • May 18, 2012

    Melissa, this story is so inspiring to me and touches my heart deeply. I recently went to treatment for an eating disorder because I felt for so many years that I was not enough! Not pretty, strong, skinny, smart, funny, rich, … enough. I even quit Crossfit for a while because I was so hard on myself and compared myself to everyone else. Having now returned from treatment, I have completed my 2nd week back at Crossfit. My goals are to: 1. get my butt in the gym 5 days /week, 2. do my best, 3. have fun and know that today I am enough!!! I hope to also get a Crossfit gets program started for young women to appreciate themselves exactly as they are. Thank you for this story and I can’t wait to get my ENOUGH charm for myself, my daughters, and my Crossfit girls!!! Much love, Kim

    — Kim Greenberg

  • May 18, 2012

    Great story! Thanks Melissa for sharing :)

    — Stephanie

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